What is your Daughter Wearing?

Imagine this scenario – one that is all too real… You and your 15 year old daughter are walking down the grocery aisle together. As you approach a man and his wife, you notice that this “husband” looks at your daughter’s breasts which are protruding tantalizingly above her tight, midriff-showing, cleavage-enhancing, white shirt. Her tiny shorts reveal long legs that the “husband” next visits.

Let’s take another scenario. You and a bunch of people are at a restaurant. Before being seated, your lovely 19 year old daughter is shrugging out of her coat revealing a tank top with ample view of a voluptuous wonder. The waiter stops mid-step and gapes longingly at the vision offered to him.

And another. You go to a friend’s house for a summer barbecue. Girls dressed, or should I say in a state of undress, receive many sweeping glances from your husband. The fare presented at the feast could include nice rears framed tightly by Skinz Jeans, or shirts hiked up a couple of inches so that bending over reveals cute, little, pink thongs peeking out. How about dresses that are so low cut, a wrong move could reveal a little too much (think Janet Jackson)? Hubby is truly enjoying himself.

Do you want your daughters to receive this kind of attention? Is this the attraction that would ensure a strong, loving, respectful relationship that would last a life-time? And is this the type of man you want your daughter to attract?

Now, we know that men are visual creatures. Therefore, a beautiful, scantily clad woman is definitely going to be a vision for him to feast on. And remember, a man who is incited to lust must get rid of it. He will in all likelihood use the image that these women so graciously gave him to satisfy that lust.

Another View

Here is a sampling of some pornography statistics:

• More than 70% of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month (comScore Media Metrix)
• Unique users visiting adult web sites monthly: 45 million+ (Neilsen Net Ratings)
• Largest consumer of Internet pornography: 12 – 17 year-old age group. (internet-filter-review.com)

Therefore, since more than half of the male population does pornography, do you honestly and naively believe that your daughter, if she dresses immodestly, is not the star in one of these men’s sexual fantasy?

If your daughter is within the 12-17 year old age group, then chances are some of her male friends are involved in pornography. If this is the case, do you want your daughter used during a twisted time of fantasizing?

So, What’s Wrong with Pornography?

As I’ve researched this, I find many who can’t understand why pornography is wrong. They truly believe it is a healthy thing to do. This is what my research has revealed:

• Results revealed that roughly two thirds (67% ) of young men and one half (49%) of young women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable, whereas nearly 9 out of 10 (87%) young men and nearly one third (31%) of young women reported using pornography. (Generation XXX: Pornography Acceptance and Use Among Emerging Adults, Journal of Adolescent Research, Vol. 23, No. 1, 6-30 (2008))
• Pornography is such a destructive force, it is cited as the cause for 67% of all divorces. (American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 – divorcewizards.com).
• Pornography stops a man from forming a “real” relationship with another human being. When a man is involved in a pornographic fantasy he “creates” the person. Someone not real that he can control.
• A man who has done pornography for many years has a difficult time having a normal sexual relationship with his wife.
• Many men who have practiced self-sex for a long time before having intercourse with a woman, are incapable of reaching fulfillment without help.
• Sexual aggression is increased. Pornography tends to be like a drug. After awhile it’s not as effective so hard-core pornography such as BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism) becomes the next drug. Many crimes committed are because of pornography.
  

  -A few facts from Jared Moss:
  In my criminal justice class we interviewed a child molester who served 17 years in jail. I had asked him, “I heard that you mentioned that you were heavily addicted to pornography, do you think that had anything to do with it?” He replied that he accepted full responsibility for his actions, but pornography was the reason and the key arousal factor in his child molestation – it’s what fueled his actions and consumed his mind.

  He then said that he would be one of the strong supporters for making pornography illegal. Why? Pornography doesn’t hurt anyone? This child molester says differently – he said that it fueled his actions and grew the sex-monster inside of him until it was too big to be contained in the basement of his house. He doesn’t know of one sex-offender that wasn’t addicted to pornography. There is a reason why God made it a sin to look upon another man’s wife – sin acts against love – it damages.

  Near the end of his speech, he also added another interesting fact… Somebody in the classroom had asked him why children. He said that each child molester has a specific target range (age range) of children (or adults) they go after. Eric said that his target range was 13-16 year olds because they are the most promiscuous.

  For an American, to be able to purchase bottled, purified water is considered middle-class. The United States has an annual sale of $3 billion of bottled water per year. Americans spend $19 billion on pornography per year. Over $300 billion per year is spent on pornography world-wide. (facts from Professor Omar Guevara from Weber State University).
  - Jared Moss facts ended

• Pornography releases chemicals in the brain such as dopamine, nor-epinephrine, oxytocin and serotonin. Addiction to these chemicals becomes quite intense. Getting off these drugs takes years. Like alcoholism and drug addiction, addiction to sex is very difficult to overcome.
• And last but not least, women are objectified. It is not their personality that turns on these men, it is their body. Not the person, just the shell. They are used as a tool for sexual pleasure.

So, why did I throw these facts in the middle of talking about your daughter?

Because your daughter, if allowed to dress inappropriately has become part of the disease called pornography. She is the fuel that ignites the hormones for the addicted.

Not all men are addicted to pornography. However, they are still visual which brings about a difficult situation for them, especially if they are married.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 NLT But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This is man’s sin. But it is a woman’s sin to entice it. She has become the stumbling block.

For Believers

Once you understand the problem, we as parents need to be able to answer the following questions:

• Do you want your daughters to become a stumbling block for her brothers in the Lord?
• Do you want your daughters to become a stumbling block in a marriage when a husband lusts after her – an adulterous action, as Jesus said in Matthew 5:28?

Or, would you follow Romans 14:13…

Romans 14:13 NLT …Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

Romans 14:21 NLT It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything else if it might cause another believer to stumble. (Emphasis mine)

Jared, my 20 year old son, is a very Godly man. Ask anyone who knows him. He has a fire in his heart for God Almighty. This is what he told me after spending a day at our local Amusement Park. Remember, he is a man and is visual.

“Mom, it was so difficult to keep my mind pure. Everywhere I looked, they were dressed in all kinds of inappropriate clothing. I want to keep my mind pure. I was constantly praying and I had to force my eyes to not look anymore.”

It was agonizing for him. He has made the decision to keep himself pure for his future wife. He struggled! As do all men everywhere because it is so prevalent.

Our daughters are causing our men to stumble. Especially young men whose hormones are magnified at this point in life. Why are we allowing our girls to do this to our young men? It is difficult enough out there in the world without having it come from within our own, our fellow believers.

Luke 17:1-2 NLT ¹One day Jesus said to his disciples, “There will always be temptations to sin, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting! ²It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to fall into sin.”

So, you may say, “Yeah, but believers are stronger.”

Sorry to burst your bubble if that is what you believe. Let’s go back to the statistics:

• A 1996 Promise Keepers survey following one of their stadium events revealed that over 50% of the men in attendance were involved with pornography within one week of attending the event. (Remember, this is our young adults we are talking about here, and this is an organization striving to keep our youth pure for their future spouse.)
• 51% of pastors say cyber-porn is a possible temptation. 37% say it is a current struggle (Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001).

It is prevalent everywhere, including our dear brothers and sisters in the Lord. Yes, even women struggle with this.

• 28% those admitting to sexual addiction are women
  (internet-filter-review.com)

I know two women who used to strip in nightclubs. Want to know what one of them told me? Most of the strippers do this because they were sexually abused as children. They are giving in to the view that their bodies are just objects used for sexual pleasure. It depresses them to do it, but it’s all they know. They live with shame every day of their lives, beginning with the day they were violated. But this is what pornography began, and addicted men continue to flock to the the “drug houses” to get their fix. And the cycle never ends.

My heart cries for these broken people.

What Can we as Parents Do?

Teach your children the following:

1 Timothy 2:9-10 NLT ⁹ And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. ¹⁰ For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.

1. Give your girls a view of how God sees them:

• beautiful
• intelligent
• caring
• nurturing
• daughters worthy to be called a Princess

2. Let them know that if they attract a boy with their body, they will get a boy who only wants them for their body. It has nothing to do with her inner beauty.

You see it in the news constantly. Men married to absolutely gorgeous women. What happens? They marry the gorgeous, and when that becomes common, they look for more gorgeous elsewhere. They are never satisfied. See Tiger Woods. See also Christie Brinkley and Tea Leoni: (http://www.covenanteyes.com/blog/2008/09/22/husbands-who-watch-porn-part-4-wives-are-asking-whats-wrong-with-me/)

3. Teach them to develop their inner beauty by focusing on character, integrity, gentleness, kindness, and other beautiful qualities.

You can find tons of classics, starting with the Bible, that help your young woman develop these rare qualities.

4. Teach girls to not be that stumbling block for others.

Do not let your pure daughters, your beautiful treasures become debased by someone else’s imagination. I remember when my eldest son came back from visiting his Uncle Ken in Florida (Rev. Kenneth Delgado, The House at Palm Bay). He was frustrated because the girls in his congregation had been taught to wear loose, all covering clothes. He could not find anything to gratify his then lusty mind. The girls maintained their purity in his mind.

5. Teach your sons that girls are princesses, to be cherished only by a worthy prince.

She will be the companion of a lifetime during the good times and the bad, the mother of his children, and his lover for life. If your son marries a Princess, he will be blessed, and her inner beauty will magnify itself until, even in old age, she is the most beautiful creature he has ever laid eyes on. That is what God intended.

Matthew 19:3-5 NLT ⁴ “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ ⁵ And he said, ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’”

6. Get the book Every Young Man’s Battle by Steve Arterburn and Fred Stoeker for your sons and have them study it. Work with them and help them to see it all God’s Way.

Job 31:1 NIV “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”

.

Remember, garbage in – garbage out. If your children are constantly being exposed to this incorrect view, then they will start to identify with it and become that view.

I know that this is a very difficult concept in today’s world. Pray about it, let the Holy Spirit guide you in this. May God bless you with Wisdom and Revelation in this area!

Resources for eliminating Pornography
http://www.netnanny.com/learn_center/article/175
http://www.covenanteyes.com
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7
http://www.lightedcandle.org/pornstats/stats.asp
http://www.everymansbattle.com