This is how it went. My son was tired and hungry – key words here. Behaviors are just not quite up to par when either of these conditions are present. So, I always look for this when he is acting out of line.
However… and that is a big HOWEVER, there is no excuse for certain types of behavior. After all, God has said:
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
So, my son was tired and hungry. 
He had been told that throwing toys (too many were being broken) would result in cleaning duty – my walls need washing. He had also been instructed in honoring his mother and father. Another cleaning duty – I like clean attitudes.
While cleaning up, he threw a toy into the box. He was instructed to wash the sliding glass door, which he did immediately with a smile on his face. He went back upstairs and after awhile threw another one. This time, while cleaning my kitchen door he was angry and started to do it with an attitude. When I reminded him about the rule, he got angrier and talked to me with disrespect. He quickly earned a wall to wash right next to the door. Now he was really angry and started to spout off about wanting to go to his dad’s house.
I calmly explained that he was going to stay during the week with me because he is homeschooled and weekends are for daddy. He responded that I had told him he could see his dad at any time he wanted. I answered that he was doing it out of anger and wanting to run away from his problems. He was to face his problems and not run away. His dad and I had agreed that the game of saying “I want to go to my dad’s” or “I want to go to my mom’s” when something was not going his way, was not to be tolerated.
He went back upstairs and started angrily putting his toys away; still with an attitude. A temper tantrum had ensued. Enough was enough! It was now time to go to his room for an attitude adjustment – a spanking.
I was angry then, so I sent him and didn’t follow him just yet. I don’t like to deal with situations in anger. I sat down and reviewed some scriptures until my attitude was adjusted by The Holy One. I was calm and peaceful when I went to speak to my beloved son.
Mom: “Honey, it is time for you to hear what God has to say. There are two issues here. One is the anger issue and lack of self-control, the other issue is the disrespect towards your mother. I don’t want to use my words because they are not as powerful as God’s. Are you ready?”
A nod of a tear-filled face.
Mom: “I’m going to tell you what God has to say, because His words are much better than mine. You had a display of anger that was not acceptable. God says in Proverbs 29:11 ‘ A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.’ “
Indignant Son: “Are you saying I’m a fool now?”
Mom: “You were behaving like a fool. Nobody is perfect. Everyone behaves foolish at times and sometimes they are wise. I was a fool the other night when I got angry at your sister. I raised my voice and behaved in a very foolish manner. I had to ask Father in Heaven for forgiveness for the way I behaved. You did not control yourself today. You had a temper tantrum.”
Disbelieving Son: “It wasn’t a temper tantrum. A temper tantrum is when you are angry and you throw toys at things and stuff.”
Mom: “A temper tantrum is when you go like this: (and here I act out cleaning toys in an angry manner while saying, ‘grumble, complain, grumble, angry outbursts’). That is the way you were cleaning up your toys. I want you to have self-control and not give full vent to your anger. You will be a man soon.”
Son: “I’m not even pre-teen yet! I’m a child.”
Mom: “Yes, but God says in Proverbs 22:6 ‘ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.’ One day you will become a man and I don’t want your wife and your children to see you behave in anger without control. They will learn some bad habits that way.
“Now, God told me in Proverbs 29:15 ‘ The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.’
“He also tells me in Proverbs 29:17 ‘ Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.’
“If I do not discipline you, you will not bring delight to my soul. Does Jared bring me peace?”
Son: “Yes.”
Mom: “Does Melissa?”
Son: “No.”
Mom: “See? It is truth – there were many nights my heart was broken by Melissa’s actions and I cried. She is getting better now.
”Now, about the disrespect you showed today, this is what God says in Deuteronomy 27:16 ‘Cursed is the man who dishonors his father or his mother’.‘”
Son: “I know that, Mom – we read about it this morning.”
Mom: “Yes we did. And we also discussed how dishonoring your mother and father is in the same scripture as killing a neighbor secretly.
“We also read about the blessings that come from obeying God’s commands and the curses that come from not obeying. These we read in Deuteronomy 28. Then in Ephesians 6 it says:
” Ephesians 6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ -which is the first commandment with a promise- ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’
“I love you too much for you to not have a long life on earth. I want you to have a good life.”
“I need to use the rod of correction on you in order to impart wisdom. Remember, a wise man keeps himself under control. I don’t like to spank you, but it is my duty to bring you up correctly and to teach you correct principles. I discipline you because I love you just like God disciplines me because He loves me. Turn over son.”
My son bravely turns over. I don’t really like to spank him – in fact, I’ve lost all gumption to. But my word has been spoken and I must follow through. Two quick, light taps on his buttocks with a plastic stirring spoon (I never use my hands) and it is over. He cries a little and we talk some more as I hold him and hug him.
Mom: “I don’t like to spank you but I have to obey God. You need to ask forgiveness now.”
Son: “I’m sorry, Mom.”
Mom: “I forgive you. Now you need to ask God for forgiveness.”
Son: “I’m sorry, God, for disrespecting my mother.”
Mom: “You know what God says now? I forgive you completely and I remember your sin no more. It is forgotten. Like it never happened. Do you know what I say? I forgive you completely – I remember your sin no more. It’s like it never happened. We have a fresh clean slate before us and a brand new day.
“How are you doing now?”
Son: “I just need to be alone for awhile. I want to read and just lie down for awhile.”
Mom: “Okay, son – I love you!”
Son: “I love you, too, Mom!”
Once he got up, he was a changed person. He come up to me after lunch and gave me the biggest hug and kiss and just loved on me for a bit. He had a great rest of the day, playing, laughing and getting along with all. He was careful to talk with respect and love and to treat his toys gently.
Sigh… God is so good.
You know what the best part is? I had read Proverbs 29 the day before, and Deuteronomy 27 & 28 this morning. He is always on time, isn’t he? I sure do love Him!!
Summary:
NOTE: At no time should shouting or yelling in anger be used as discipline. I have found that the minute a voice is raised, all communication into their hearts has been stopped. It is a change of heart that is needed. Don’t let your anger (lack of control) close the door to their hearts.
NOTE #2: In my opinion, disciplining like this won’t work without a lot of positive, interaction with your child during other times. The rule I like to follow is: For every negative, give seven positives! It is so important that they already feel safe and loved by you through quality time spent together. By delighting in them (read the article Delight in Them) and by enjoying an interactive relationship with them, you ensure that the discipline does not give them a sense of failure every time. And… interactive relationship does not mean watching the TV (read the Antichrist in our Living Room), although a movie together every once in awhile is fun; it means time invested in their lives through game playing (no, not videos or computers -wink-), hikes, walks, reading a classic together (read A Bonding Moment), discussing scriptures, tickling, wrestling, etc., etc., etc. You get the idea.
- Send the child to their room with the knowledge that discipline is to follow.
- Sit down and pray – choose the scriptures that you will use.
- When calm, talk to your child.
- Discuss the scriptures and the unacceptable behavior – it is not the child but the sin in the child.
- Impress it upon their hearts! You can feel the heart changing and understanding filling their eyes. Sometimes it doesn’t go quickly and time must be invested. But time invested in sowing the Word into their hearts, is a future harvest that lasts a lifetime.
- Let the child know that you are disciplining them because you love them. If appropriate, let them know how God has disciplined you because He loves you. I let my son know that I had committed that very sin earlier this week and God impressed it upon my heart to repent.
- Carry out the discipline. Whatever it is! Many times natural consequences are what is called for.
- Have them ask for forgiveness from you and then from God.
- Let them know that the Lord and you will remember the sin no more. That means we can’t bring it up in the future – it is done with!!
- Let them know how much you love them and then give them a hug – or hold them for awhile.
God bless you with the strength to be firm in your word. If a law is set in your home, follow through. Yes, it requires effort and time, but the rewards are a home where obedience reigns. They will then have no problem obeying their Father in Heaven.
Awesome thanks