A Tough Day from the Beginning
Monday was a tough day for the boys, Preston and his friend Timothy. I think boredom played a big part, a lack of sleep, and a rough weekend.
The day started out late as it was. We had a little crisis on Sunday night and Preston went to bed a lot later than he was supposed to. I think Timothy came a little tired also.
The first part of the day began pretty good. But as the morning wore on, the grumpy atmosphere reared its ugly head and things got testy. After lunch, the boys went out to work on the Tree House with Jared; which is a school project that has been going on for a few weeks now.
Things got even worse out there. By the time early afternoon had arrived, a full blown conflict had erupted with Preston angrily stomping downstairs and Timothy angrily picking up every toy and book that he had in the house all stacked up and ready to go home.
I found out that they had each asked each other not to touch the other’s toys and rebellion urged them to touch the toys against the other’s wishes. Then another little conflict over whose toys belonged to whom in addition to some unmet expectations.
Wading through the stories and talking to Timothy’s mom provided a little more relief but anger was still present in both boys when they parted that evening.
The Sun Goes Down on their Anger
Tuesday dawns and Preston expresses his displeasure with Tim. There is still anger there. Timothy walks in and gets going immediately with Math, anger still present.
We tried some scriptures, continuing our reading of the Israelites. Nothing I do pulls Timothy out of his funk. Preston ignores him.
I talk to them about anger. It is not fair to be angry at a person and not let that person have a chance to work the situation out. I kept asking Timothy what he was angry about, and he kept saying he nothing. Same with Preston.
I explained that good communication skills (something that they would use the rest of their lives) involves expressing their feelings and what they believe caused those feelings. This then would make the other person aware of what is going on. There is nothing worse than being told nothing is wrong when we know very well that something IS wrong!
Then the talks could evolve into finding solutions to the problem. No one can work out a problem that is an unknown. It is only fair to bring out in the open and work it out. Still no response.
After scriptures I invite them to the table. We are going to do a lesson this time. I pull out some scriptures on peace and brothers.
2 Corinthians 13:11 NKJV “Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”
Romans 12:18 NLT “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.”
1 Thessalonians 5:13 NLT “…and live peacefully with each other.”
Now yawns and sighs were being heard from one of the members of the audience. I was not reaching them.
The Holy Spirit Steps In
One more trick out of my hat. I bring out my weapon of choice – the Holy Spirit. I say a quick silent prayer to help me reach my audience and get this resolved once and for all.
The Lord directs me to:
Matthew 5:23-24 NKJV “Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
This is their next activity – “write this verse out in your best cursive in your journal.” Again, this is done amidst sighs and groans.
Now the discussion begins led by the Holy Spirit. As I look at the scripture on the white board, I see something that I’ve never really noticed before (thank you, Abba). The phrase “your brother has something against YOU.”
Ahhh… the answer is clear now. Sometimes we get so stuck on what others have done to us that we neglect to ask ourselves, “what is it that I’m doing that is causing this problem?”
I lead the discussion with questions like:
- What kind of gift do you think it is? (prayer, praise, offerings, tithing, etc.)
- What are you remembering? (that someone has something against me – not the other way around)
- What does it mean to be reconciled to your brother? (make peace)
I explain that it is our natural tendency, as humans, to point the finger at the other (see Adam and Eve) but not see that there are things that we do ourselves that compounds the problem. It takes two. A fight demands two willing partners.
Then the Lord led me to another scripture and we talked about allowing the sun to go down on our anger.
Ephesians 4:26-27 And don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
When I asked why, they realized that it made the anger worse. The situation actually got worse by not resolving it before going home and by daytime, dislike had lodged in their hearts. The devil had his foothold – he was opening the door to more conflict and contention and he had separated two fast friends. The light bulbs went on. Isn’t the Holy Spirit just amazing? He has never failed me yet, even though I’ve failed Him a million times over!
The next exercise was they had to write down what they themselves had done to make the other person angry. Quite a switch because we tend to focus, ponder, meditate on the wrongs done to us but not what we contributed to the fray. 
This one was more difficult (heh-heh) but was accomplished. You could see the countenance in their faces changing as the focus had been switched from “you” to “me”. Their attitude softened tremendously. They each wrote down what they did, asked forgiveness from each other, and then completed the last little item.
They had to write down what they liked about the other’s personality – not what they do, but what they are. Preston said that Timothy was a hard worker and funny. Timothy wrote that Preston had a good imagination.
Hearts had been changed, forgiveness asked for and received – the lesson had been learned. Today they are the best of friends again.
God is good, He is faithful and I am so glad that I don’t have to do this on my own!
